My first pass I woke up at 2am, my conscious mind still not in the driver's seat (I think this is called a hypnogogic state) and just intuitively wrote the answer on a piece of paper. What keeps me from allowing myself to be successful? The answer: "They're better off without you." I wrote it in big letters on a piece of paper and went back to sleep. This is just a theory really, what popped out of my head. But those things can be powerful. When I was young I decided that those around me would be better off if I erased myself from the equation. My relatives remarked and observed that I was a good child, didn't cause any trouble, but was withdrawn. It was a lie that I accepted as truth.
Now, as an adult and running a business I theorize that my "poltergheist" self (the part of my sub-conscious that protects me and causes problems to do it) doesn't want the business to grow past a certain point because at any second the crew will realize they don't need/want me and I will be left to run things on my own. Important note here-- this is not my rational conscious mind that is thinking this. Consciously, I very much want BTP to succeed and provide opportunities for the people that work there and bring awesomeness to the world.
So I turned the paper over and wrote the opposite, the new programming which I am choosing to accept: "They are all better off because of me." I then created a new image for my vision board with a caption saying: "Shawn, you are important and everyone is better off because of you." This might seem silly because I reach out to many thousands of people with happiness and encouragement every day. But isn't that irrationality for you? I now look at that image many times a day and let the new truth sink deep into my mind.
This all ties into a much larger quest for me which is to understand myself and the world around me and in so doing change my own consciousness and thus also my prevailing reality. And it's working in this case. I've found myself even more relaxed around all the people in my life. This constant lifelong tenseness, a sense that at any second the bottom could fall out, is giving way to a wellspring of faith and confidence.
Is this too personal for a blog post? Probably, but someone out there may be having a similar challenge.
Posted by Blue Table Painting at 2:47 AM